Happy Birthday Jesus

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I saw an ad last night for the Channel 7 news, it had all this footage of violence and fires and stupid investigations. Stuff like, “Are you paying too much for Jellybeans?” And then it showed these idiots having a punch up. The slogan was something like, “7 News, we get the footage that the others don’t”.

I thought, “Man, that’s one hell of a news service, check that footage, those drunk teens fighting, and those loser neighbours yelling at each other over the fence, they really do get footage that the others don’t. I’m making the switch!!”

I didn’t really think that, I’m not retarded.

The reason Channel 7 gets the footage that the others don’t is because bogans punching seven shades of shit out of one another is not news. That’s the main reason no other news service gets that footage, IT’S NOT NEWS!!!!!

There was the creepiest thing in the world on Today Tonight this one time. It was about kids being breastfed for a little too long. I’m sorry, but when you can read you’ve got to take some time off the boob (bewb). It’s like this:

Can’t read – Boob (bewb). For feeding.

Can read – No boob (bewb). Whatsoever.

Can read (but old enough to fool around) – Boob (bewb). On the provison that everyone’s into that kind of thing. It should be noted that boob’s just there for fun, not sustainance.

You should have seen the weird women that were like, “It’s a great thing to do, it’s a chance for my daughter to say how much she likes it”.

Hey lady!! That story doesn’t check out. First, a child being breastfed should not be on the boob (bewb) if that child can talk. Also, how is the child talking with a face full of boob (bewb)? It’s impossible. Those poor kids one of them was at school, that kids life is going to be hell.


So I watched that movie Prom Night finally after like 6 months and everyone has already seen it. It was pretty good for a teen movie but it was still annoying and I found many faults.

1. As if teens can have such a nice prom like that.
2. Why weren't any of the kids having sex?
3. Where were the pervy teachers trying to hit on asian exchange students?
4. Why didn't the black kids get killed first? They usually do.
5. There were no nerds. Everyone was a jock or a head cheerleader.
6. No one had their hair up...weird

Anyway it was still pretty scary I love a good thriller spesh when someone is in front of a glass cupboard and then drops something and then comes up only to find a serial killer behind them and then they get their throat slit which is disgusting but it makes a good movie.

Don't you hate it when you get sick? And when you're sick you think to yourself God I'd do anything not to be sick right now I'll even do some exercise and then when youre better you're like whatever? Yeah it's annoying.

Celebrity Death Prediction:
Celebrity: Justin Timberlake
Method Of Death: Sat on by Beyonce

Douche Of The Day:
Lily Allen - for thinking she is better than Katy Perry when she is so not as Lily Allen is the fatter, really bad singer, lame song singing loser version of Katy Perry.

Jesse Mc Cartney
xoxo

That Doesn't Feel Like A Massage To Me

-How freaking cute is it? You can toats make them too at Cube Craft.

Whenever I go out or get a brain wave from a heat wave from staying the house wave, I see so much stuff that I say, "I'll put that in the blog", but then I don't actually do it because I forget what it is that impressed me so.

That reminds me, you know what I think is stupid? People who say, I have to go to this party, bar, pub, sporting event - whatever. You don't have to go. If you don't go I'm pretty sure whatever the event is will continue. I don't think that the Swans will stop playing St. Kilda when it's revealed you're not at the game. I don't think that Jude Bolton will start walking off the ground, with his shoulders slumped, despondent, upset, take a seat on the bench and start to take his boots off. And then Paul Roos calls him on the little phone, Heath James, the runner (and one of the greats) will yell out across the bench, "Bolts!! Roosy want to speak with you!!” Jude will then explain how he can't play without you there, it just doesn't feel right. Roos will then leave the coaches box, walk on to the ground call the umpires into the middle and explain that you're not there and that there's no other option but to forfeit. The Swannies then miss the finals by a game. The game that you said you'd go to. If that was to be the chain of events, then you could say, "I can’t on Sunday, I've got to go to the footy".

Anyway, what else is also really irritating is when someone ruins something excellent because they think they can do better on thier own but then they suck at that and wish they never ruined the original something in the first place. EXAMPLE! Billy Corgan leaving the Smashing Pumpkins for his new band Zwan. What's the prob? Well no one knows who the fuck Zwan is. I just bought the CD cos it was his band and it was for 5 bucks. Why would you fuck something up when it was so good just to show how good you are but then end up hating yourself and everyone around you cos everyone else hates you and everyone around you cos you fucked up EVERYTHING?! Pressure. And in the end good old Billy Goat Corgan was quoted last year saying "I want my band back" but did they care? No. Cos he fucked everything up.

End of rant.

Celebrity Death Prediction:
Celebrity: Zac Efron
Method Of Death: Snu Snu

Laters Skaters

Zac Efron's homo erotic spirit
xox

Sheep Go To Heaven Goats Go To Hell

Cute plates by Studio Psycho

So, like oh em GEE how cute are these plates?! I really want some but I don't know where to get them from. Maybe they're those quirky Europeans again!

The Hundreds and Medicom Toy Co. Adam Bomb

SORRY I haven't blogged in like 2 days!! There are excuses for it, for instance, giant spiders attacked. They were enormous with eye lasers, destroying buildings and showed no sign of stopping UNTIL I figured out a way to make them stop. It turned out that the spiders were actually robotic and were being controlled remotely. It all made sense. But who? And why?

The who made the why abundantly clear. It could only be one man. Dr. Mc Hatey Hate Hate. Mc Hate had it in for the city ever since he was foiled in his attempt to take over the world. Lucky for you, I know where he lives. It's in an underground lair in a volcano called Mount Evil. I went to Mount Evil, had it out with a few henchmen and eventually found myself face to face with Dr. Mc Hatey Hate Hate and his many, many minions. I knocked the remote control from his hand and managed to stop the spiders from destroying the city, but as I was deactivating the spiders he let his Dragon escape. That stupid dragon never shuts up even though it was out of the media spotlight for a year. Hate that dragon.

So that is why I haven't been blogging for the neat sum of 2 whole days.

So anywayz, Camp Rock was on last night. Disney movies are heaps cool but like High School Musical TOATS KILLS IT. YEAH HSM FTW!! Comes out on the 4th of December by the way lol. Y'all gotta see it. The Jo Bro's may suck at acting but at least they manage to look pretty. I've never seen a dude with such huuuge eyebrows and yet...they're so neatly shaped and well managed. Gotta respect a brother for taking pride and probably hours in perfecting his appearance. Beautiful man.

Stay tuned when I actually have something worthwhile to talk about...

Douche Of The Day: Pink - she just sucks

Currently Listening To:

Flashing Lights - Kanye West

Today's Celebrity Death Prediction:

Celebrity: Nicole Kidman

Method Of Death: Angry fans who wanted Australia the movie to be good but she ruined it so they trampled her but spared Hugh Jackman - the god of all men.

The Other Jonas

xoxo

Laid Back Big Mac

Little tennis ball heads that hold your towels is such a good invention. Like the best. Evar! How handy. You know what else is handy apart from Handy Ultra? Stationary. Cute stationary. Stationary from Kikki K. It's always the Europeans who are making the cutesy stuff that make your home look like it was in a Pop Art magazine where everything is made from clear plastic.

Speaking of plastic you can get these adorable Visa cards in whatever style you want. It makes handing over your Visa a lot more fun than it used to be. Like, snuh who wants to use some boring plain blue card these days? Even in this recession people all over the world (especially the cool kids in Europe in their clear plastic homes) will be using it just to make some sort of statement; a statement where they aren't even sure of the meaning.


Again speaking of plastic, people like Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson shouldn’t exist. Whatever happened to Pete’s talked up tough interior? Now his interior is as tough as his exterior which is very feminine. And all because of Ashlee Simpson: Queen of teeny boppers. If he wanted to make himself known as a hard arsed penis showing, party pashing, Lego man hair styling, tight jeans (or no jeans) wearing, profanity shouting, ugly face of a rat being then why’d he go and knock up Ashlee. Talk about cramping his already shitty style. I’m not sure if he can go lower than that.


Onto some things that make clouds happy and suns smile. Mirror House Antics. Once upon a time four high school guys made a band. They went onto achieve great success and they all lived happily ever after. Snuh, not everyone is like Silverchair. The other songs need about 2 or 3 plays before you start to like it. Unfortunately they're not as good as they dress - they look cooler than their songs are. Not to say they're just crap, the best song is: Days Of Joy. Check it out.

This is funny. Even though I hate Merrick and Rosso.

Currently listening to:
Men's Needs - The Cribs

You should listen to it too.

Today's celebrity death prediction:
Celebrity: Joe Jonas
Method Of Death: Shot By Taylor Swift.

Knock Knock.

Who's There?

Taylor Swift.

Taylor Swift Who?

Exactly.

I bid thee farewell and goodnight.

Nick Jonas
xoxo

Dude! That's Not Mud.

Halloween. Best holiday ever.

Purely an awesome excuse to dress like Elmo and still manage to look hot? No. Not in reality. She must be French. Cos French girls are always hot contrary to popular belief.

You can thank late nights, hours on the interwebs and procrastinating from studying for exams for this expression of hatred for most things in our materialistic, contemporary society. This will probably be just a compilation of things I hate among people I hate and why I hate them. Perhaps bands I hate and possibly why they hate themselves. But where would they be if it wasn't for those self hating tweens who love them and buy their albums till they have no money left to spend on fluro clothing and cigarettes.

"A dude got 1/10 for sex". That probably won't make that much sense to you. There is a sex show on. For married couples who can't get it on. You have to feel sorry for those people. They have to go on national television to spark up their sex lifes. For fuck's sake grow some balls, get some chocolate and call it a night. Only the British.

Oh another stream of hate. While my msn fucks up and throws my carefully thought out and excellently worded sentences back into my face, why do people wear Crocs? They have to know they look absolutely idiotic, right? Not only are they the ugliest bits of plastic to be morphed into some sort of reptile based shoe, they are actually being worn... I just don't understand it.

Currently Listening To:
Actually, It's Darkness - Idlewild

Today's celebrity death prediction:
Celebrity: Rob Schneider
Method Of Death: Murdered By Mel Gibson

I bid thee farewell and goodnight.

Aaron Carter. Lol. I wish.

xoxo