Sunday, June 21, 2009

So You Want To Save A Kid?

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The new trend these days is to sponsor a child. Well you might want to rethink that. Child sponsorship is just another a sector of cultural imperialism. What's easier than a Western economically stable individual throwing some money at an organisation which usually only 70% of the profits go to the children (even then that 70% has to be used for transport etc) and then sitting back in their nice houses feeling good about themselves for "helping" the lesser community? Just because there's a kid on your fridge doesn't mean that you've done a lot for the world. There has always been an underlying sense of cultural imperialism in everything the Western world does. Even when they are trying to help others, it comes up to bite you in the arse.

When you sponsor a child, it is very likely that by focusing on an individual, aid agencies arbitrarily single out children or families for preferential treatment. These chosen few may receive extra food, education, clothes, medical treatment and gifts which others do not. Brothers, sisters or other families become jealous and parents can feel humiliated because outsiders are providing things which they cannot - or frustrated that only one of their children receives help.

The way in which a child or family is chosen for sponsorship may reflect the political orientation of the aid agency involved rather than the needs of the child. In order for a child to qualify its parents may have to cease certain forms of political or religious activity - or the child may be pressured to take up activities like reading the Bible. This conditional giving violates the rights of the child to choose its own beliefs.

The sponsored child is constantly reminded that they are the 'poor relative'. They must always be prepared to show gratitude to the 'rich cousins' on whose charity they depend. The best aid projects foster initiative and enterprise in those they help. Sponsorship programmes always run the risk of fostering dependence.

The exchange between child and sponsor can be culturally insensitive to the child's way of life. Children may know nothing about Christmas, for example, but find themselves encouraged to send Christmas cards. Imagine you were a Christian and a wealthy Arab sponsored your child and sent them presents and pictures of their sumptuous lifestyle along with a copy of the Koran to read.

Sponsorship schemes claim to offer cultural interchange between donor and child. This is generally very limited as the letters from child to sponsor are usually censored to remove requests for money, complaints from disillusioned families and all mention of politics. Professional letter-writers and translators are sometimes used to handle the correspondence - or staff may dictate letters to children according to a sample provided in a manual - this is what World Vision does. The donor finds out little about the child or its culture.

Programmes which give education to individual children can isolate them from family and friends. They are educated to uselessness, unable to obtain well-paid white-collar work in their own towns or village and unwilling to do low paid 'menial' labour. As adults they either remain at home dissatisfied, or take their skills further afield, away from the community that needs them.

Child sponsorship programmes can create unfulfillable desires and expectations. A child who learns of a sponsor's large house and reads about their skiing holidays or big cars can become dissatisfied with his or her own community and want to be taken away to that affluent world.

Child sponsorship programmes are enormously expensive to administer. The letters, photos and reports prepared for sponsors are costly and time-consuming. It is sad that so much must be spent for the benefit of the donor rather than the child.

Child sponsorship advertisements distort our image of the Third World and perpetuate many negative stereotypes. Children are depicted in deprivation and degradation, as passive victims whose parents are unable to cope. All we see usually is one poor helpless child or family; we are never offered explanations of the causes of their poverty.

It's really unfortunate that there is no "easy" solution for this problem. If we were all rich then we could just hop on the next plane to South Africa and save 5 month old babies from being raped because of the myth that if you have sex with a virgin, it will cure HIV and the younger the virgin, the more successful you will be. If only there was some way we could get it through the rich and the useless...


...that instead of buying $50 000 dollar watches, you could've saved half a community.

Thank God we have people like Flavor Flav from Public Enemy to bring light to these issues in their songs.

Too bad he a bit crazy and freaky.

Some bitch on a power trip,
xoxo

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Bad Guys Always Come Last


It makes me sad how the bad guys in movies always die at the end. I was watching Con Air last night - it was a pretty good movie. Had it all I reckon; comedy, action, pretty gross violence, lame/awesome one liners and a bit of a love story. It's their fault for making the mass murderers so loveable! I mean, they go through so much shit to get their plan together from prison and then manage to take over a whole plane of guards - it ought to be commended but no, they all get killed. It's not fair I'm so over good guys winning. This was an exceptional case though cos Nicholas Cage is pretty cool.

I made this last night. It's squid stuffed with anchovies, parsley breadcrumbs and garlic. It was pretty good but it's huge haha too much squid for me!


I made this prawn and Agnolotti thing for lunch you just need to fry some prawns in butter and sage and some mild chilli powder. Now for some product placement:


You cook these and then add them to the prawn mix. You can even add some egg noodles:


Then make a mix of grated parmisan, basil and oil. Mix it all together and EAT! San Remo.

Cake:

100 g Chocolate (dark is best)
100 g unsalted butter (or you can use 50g butter and half a cup of oil)
3 eggs, seperated
150 g caster sugar
50 g plain flour, sifted
50 g pistachio nuts, finely chopped to serve
Fresh raspberries to serve

Chocolate Ganache:
100 ml thickened cream
125 g chocolate, chopped

Rose Water Cream
100 ml cream
2 tbsp rose water (if you don't have rose water you can use vanilla essence)

Method:
  • Preheat oven to 160 C

  • Grease a medium sized square baking tray with butter. Sprinkle flour on the bottom (about 2 tablespoons) and cover the tray by shaking the flour around the bottom to cover the butter.

  • Fill a saucepan with water, bring to the boil and place a glass bowl over the pan. In the bowl, melt the butter and chocolate together. When cool, mix in the flour.

  • In a seperate bowl, whisk together the egg yolks and half the sugar.

  • Beat the egg whites in a seperate bowl. When the eggs have soft peaks, beat in the remaining sugar.

  • Mix the chocolate, butter and flour mixture into the egg yolk mixture, then fold in the egg whites.

  • Pour the mixture into the baking tray. You can cover the top with baking paper to prevent a skin forming. Or do what I did and forget to cover it and then eat the yummy, crispy chocolate skin!

  • Bake for 30 minutes.

  • When cooked, place the tray into a deeper tray filled with water to keep the cake moist. Then turn it onto a cooling rack and let cool to room temperature.

  • To make the chocolate ganache: bring the cream to a simmer and pour over the chocolate. Mix to combine. If the cream isn't warm enough to melt the chocolate, let the cream sit over the chocolate for a while. If it's being a stubborn motherfucker, just nuke it in the microwave for about 20 seconds. Make sure it's smooth in consistency.

  • To make the rose water cream: whip the cream to soft peaks and then mix in the rose water.

  • To serve, top the cake with the chocolate ganache, chopped pistachio nuts, the rose water cream and raspberries. The cake is pretty rich so it's not the best dessert for seconds! Just save your second piece for breakfast for the next morning, like I did!
Today I'll be making Creme Brulee so I will post that recipe tomorrow (depending if it turns out or not haha I've never made it before).

Hm this blog has become less of a rant about people I hate and more of a recipes I love.

Celebrity Death Prediction: Conan O'Brien
Method of Death: Flavor Flav

Till the next time, douchebags!

Matt "The Fat" Preston (the fat, decaying sexy guy from Masterchef)
xoxo

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Swine Flu? Fuck You!


My bear like friend found this mildly funny thing on the interwebs today so I shall share it with you, one reader, because this blog is at best average.


Terrorist Threat levels

(for those who are tired of GFC, swine flu and global warming)

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats in Islamabad and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."

Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance."

The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide".

The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender."

The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.

It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain:

"Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.."

They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.

These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their allies, just in case.

And at a local level...

New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!".

Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the airforce being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath),

New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "Shut, I hope Austrulia will come end riscue us".

In the event of invasion, New Zealanders will be asked to gather together in a strategic defensive position called "Bondi".

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate".

Three more escalation levels remain, "Crikey!', "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled".

There has not been a situation yet that has warranted the use of the final escalation level.

So yeah wasn't so funny. Speaking of Swine Flu, I know a lot of you (one reader) think about this so called epidemic. I know my delicious Amber (visit her sexy blog here) has encouraged you not to freak out about it (which is so true fellaz + gurls). My beef with it is a bit cynical. Is Swine Flu even a real flu? Cos I reckon it's really suss how the Australian Government encouraged us to stock up for 2 weeks with canned food at the same time where the $900 bonus was given out. Even the news stations stated that it would be "wise to spend the bonus" on this safety precaution. My response is "fuck the fuck off". Sif we'd ever get sucked into that shit. It's general knowledge that more people die every winter from the influenza flu and these "confirmed" patients of Swine Flu have never been discussed in detail or anything.

I think it's gotten way out of hand. People are freaking out about nothing. The flu is more deadly than this so called epidemic. Just be a normal person for fuck's sake. Wash your hands. Don't sneeze on people. It's common sense. Some of you don't have it. Download it from somewhere. You can blame this on the recession. Now I'm not that cynical/that much of an arse that I'd deny that exists. It bloody does. But it ain't as bad as everyone thinks. It pisses me off cos America is the one who started this. If they had the freaking sense that low income earners can't pay home loans for houses worth over $1 million then we wouldn't be in this mess. I reckon states should be more self-reliant. I know, Realists are the most annoying theorists you could think of right? They're right up there with Neo-Liberals. If we had looked after our own economy without depending on outer states then perhaps we wouldn't be in this shit pile. Oh well, what's done is done. Obama ain't gonna do much but whatevs we can only hope for the best...

P.s watched The View today. Wanted to die. That's also another show I do not recommend you watch.

Celebrity Death Prediction: David Letterman
Method of Death: Impaled by Sarah Palin

Till the next time cookies,

ASIO,
xoxo


Sunday, June 14, 2009

Hot Jew? OXYMORON!

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You may be thinking "Yes. Correct. A hot Jew is an oxymoron." I have indeed laid a very intricate trap for you readers. In fact, there is one hot Jew. Possibly more, I'm not entirely sure on the figures. So while I listen to Yves Klein Blue's "Polka", which is the best song to stalk to, I will show you this magnificent discovery. Off I go to Google his name. Ah so many pictures. Ok here is what I found first when I typed his name in. It is major lol.

Haha. It said "Jeff Braine At FFS" lolol. My two favourite things!

Ok so this is actually him. The hottest Jew ALIVE! Here's another one.


Ok done with the Jew spam.

Yet again, nothing to do. How about I keep you updated with the movie I'm watching? Yes. You'd like that, wouldn't you? Yes. You would. Or would you? Yes. Or would you? Yes. Well was going to watch this movie called "Surviving Style 5+" but that's only cos I thought it said "Survivng Style St" and I thought "woah cool movie" but it's actually some weird Asian shit and I'm not sure it's in English. Anyway, was boring. So then I decided "Hm should watch some Lock Stock then" but then my DVD of it didn't work and I could only hear the sound, not the video. PWND. So now I'm watching... "In Bruges". Unfortunately it has Colin Farrell in it. But it's also got Mad Eye Moody and Ralph Fiennes!! Voldemort!! Whoops, I meant VOLDEY!!! It's meant to be funny. Right now, it ain't. Every 2nd word is fuck so it'd be good for a drinking game.

I feel pressured to be funny. Like this movie. Zomg Colin just killed a priest! This is such a bad movie I really do not recommend you watch it.

Celebrity Death Prediction: Mel Gibson
Method of Death: His millions of children

Colin Farrell,
xoxo.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Sunday is Funday


So it's not even the 2nd week of the holidays and I'm already bored out of my brainz. So far I've seen about half of Season 1 of X Files, watched Season 1 of Skins again, watched all of Arrested Development again, played World of Warcraft (lol), drank about 4 bottles of different juices (5 Fruits, Orange & Mango, Apple, Apple Banana Mango and LOL Juice - yes there is such a thing), listened to the entire B.I.B.L.E album (Killah Priest, not Jesus) and watched all of Peep Show. On YouTube as well so now my net is capped like a motherfucker.


Sunday ain't funday I lied. Got nothing to do. JACK. SHIT.


That's what I got from Google-ing Jack Shit. Awesome right?!

I found Osama Bin Laden on Twitter. Possibly like one of the most funniest things ever. God is pretty funny too but that's overrated. I used to have God on FB too and it got OLD SO FAST.

Suffa from the Hilltop Hoods is the funniest dude in Hip Hop. Suffa's letter to the Oscars.

What kind of Star Wars character am I?

You mean there's a way I can find out?

How?

Tell me!

Don't you be fucking with me on this, I need to know.

This is important shit!!

TELL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry... I shouldn't have grabbed you... it's just... it's just that this means a lot to me. It's something I've always wanted to know. So how, nah man, I'm calmed down now, so how do I find out? I just click here? Cool and then I do this stupid quiz? Okay, is there a way it could waste more of my time? Oh really? I see, it's going to take a while.

Wow, it worked. It turns out I'm the kind of Star Wars character that thinks you're an idiot for thinking that I'd want to know what type of Star Wars character I am. It says it right here, see? It also says that I'm the kind of Star Wars character that hates those cute quizzes. It's amazing how much it knows about me.

I saw a thing on telly last night which is a baby name predictor. So what you do is you SMS the name of your partner and your name and it tells you the perfect name for your child should you have children. Now, unless it buzzes you back with the name, "Born Out Of Wedlock", it's wrong.

Can you imagine if that's how you were given your name?

"Well my name means Sunrise in Greek"
"Really? Mine means honesty, my parents chose it when they were visiting a temple in Nepal and this monk blessed my mother's stomach and nine months later I was born"
"That's so romantic, I love that story, what about you?"
"Me?"
"Yeah, what's the story behind your name?"
"My parents were hungover, watching Video Hits and this retarded ad came on, and because my parents are idiots they decided to text in and that's how I got my name"
"I'm sure..."
"No, it is... they are idiots"
"But they love you and that's the main thing"
"Love me? Do you think that two people who are using a text message service to choose a child's name are still together? Are you mental? They broke up before I was born."
"Well... I still think that you've got a nice name"
"What?"
"I was just say..."
"You like my name?"
"Yeah, we all do, don't we girls? It's unusual"
"Would you want my name?"
"What?"
"Would. You. Want. My. Name?"
"Well, I love my name"
"Just answer me, would you want my name? So you're no longer Julia... Just as I thought, and do you know why? Because Crazy Frog is a stupid-arse name, given to me by two idiots."

Anyway it's really annoying when kids wear band t-shirts when they don't know who they are or they just like the design. I remember seeing a girl at school ages ago who was like in year 9 and she was wearing a Ramones tshirt and I said "Oh cool, you like the Ramones. What's your favourite song?" and she said "Stairway to Heaven". I could've died/killed her.That's why there should be a quiz for anyone who wants to buy any iconic band t shirt. It should be a written and oral exam with a pass grade of 95%. Anything less will result in the compulsory purchase of Thirsty Merc tshirts, bottle opener and/or keyring. So next time you think about buying a Ramones or Sex Pistols tshirt you must know who exactly who the punk rocker on your shirt is, who is his girlfriend is and in 25 words or less, explain why it could be argued that he contributed nothing to Sex Pistols.

Celebrity Death Prediction: Heidi and Spencer Pratt
Method of Death: Crazy Frog

Yours truly,
Johnny Ramone/Sid Vicious/Jimmy Page
xoxo

You Can Look...


But Don't Touch!!


AH MAH GAWD! So The Clique is the best movie I have ever seen. Better than High School Musical! The Spanish one is the hottest!




Also, better than HSM is The Food Boy. Pastrami flying outta his hands what could be better?

Ok so got nothing to write about. Except this Bruce Willis Movie. Or should I say, "Bruce Willis" movie? Cos it has no fucking Brucey in it! The ads fully showed him in at LEAST two scenes and so far (like an hour into the movie) there's bit one scene for literally 2 seconds of the sex pot that is Willis. I'm so annoyed. I love Brucey. FUCK DENZEL WASHINGTON!

Hot asian girl lost her arm in this movie. Shame.
But I don't care cos there's no Bruce Willis.

None of this:

Or this


LOL @ "Text 'Dead' and 'your name' to this number to find out when you'll die... for example "Karl Dead" LOLOLOL too funny. These ads are so stupid.

FINALLY Bruce has appeared. He's quiet. Quiet and sexy. Just how I like them...

Wah haven't blogged in so long cos of stupid uni :( and now the holidays have arrived so get ready to get PWNED VIA BLOG!!

Celebrity Death Prediction: Denzel Washington
Method of Death: An Extreme Bruce Willis Fan

Till next time,

Taylor Swift
xoxo