I'm Not Gonna Teach Him How To Dance With You

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Happy Australia Day! You'd think that cos it's a public holiday I'd have a day off from bitching and ranting. You'd be wrong. Public holidays rool but work sucks. There's hardly anything on tv. I hate it when that happens. Like on Christmas day. There's always that stupid cartoon of that bloody Christmas Pudding. No one cares about it. The crap movies are crap too. Except for Surviving Christmas. The tag line says it all; "hilarious". So true!

Tv specials in general are crap. Like 20-1 even though that show is pretty good for relieving boredom. They've changed it to 10-1 now cos they can't think of anything else to do. I mean you can't get more ideas when you've milked things to death already. Top 20 blunders? Greatest Inventions? Bert Newton isn't one of them.

Celebrity Death Prediction:
Celebrity: Lara Bingle
Method Of Death: Run over by her own Aston Martin

Miley Cyrus
xoxo

It's Your Time To Shine, 2009

And gosh darn it you better shine real good.

So this is the time for New Years Resolutions that never actually happen. Today all the people who pledged to themselves, others who don't care or pretty much anyone or anything that'll sit there listening that they're going to walk everyday, or that they're going to donate money to the Salvos every week, or that they'll keep that crazy dream to live alive and kicking will stay at home, use all their money for pizza cos they're at home and not walking and donating and then kill themselves because why would they want to live? They couldn't even keep their damn New Years Resolutions. How will they survive in this crazy world?

So anyway, you know how you see ads for stuff like dental floss and they say, nine out of ten dentists recommend that you use dental floss. Or nine out of ten dentists recommend brushing your teeth twice daily. How are the one out of ten?

Ten percent of dentists reckon that you shouldn’t really bother with brushing or flossing. Brilliant. 10 percent, that’s a lot. That means that if you change dentists every time you go by the tenth go you’ll find a dentist who will suggest not brushing. That’d be weird.

“Sorry, Mr. Dentist. What are you washing my mouth out with?”
“Cola.”
“Cola?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay then, that’s a bit weird.”
“Are you a dentist?”
“No.”
“Well when you become a dentist you can suggest that you floss and brush and join the rest of the followers. Nine out of ten!! Nine people out of ten are not brave enough to have a go and try something new!!”

The new year is boring already.

Celebrity Death Predicton:
Celebrity: John McCain
Method of Death: Natural causes

Sarah "Maverick" Palin
xoxo